Where have you been? I posted on facebook 6 minutes ago, there was a grease fire in the kitchen.

WIFE: NO! Not one nickel for another one of your extravagances. HUSBAND: Extravagances?  Name one! WIFE: The fire extinguisher!, It's been hanging in a closet for ten years, and have you ever used it?  Noooooo!

COOK: We have sort of a limited menu today... It's nothing but specials.  You can have blackened catfish, very well done prime rib, or charbroiled meatloaf. DAGWOOD: You had a fire in the kitchen? COOK: Yes. (From the "Blondie" Cartoon)

PIG: I bought a chair at the furniture store. MOUSE: Why? PIG: Because I need to test all of the smoke alarms in our house. MOUSE: and you stand on a chair? PIG: I set fire to it.